If Only

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Regret.  A type of sorrow that devours each living cell.  Breathing is effortful, emptiness takes the cake, and one will rue relentlessly.  The greatest pain is felt when one says: If only. 

Whether a minor or major situation, the ache will be of the same level regardless.  Although duration differs, the intensity remains uniform.  The power of this sensation is unconquerable.  It is as though every inch of your skin is being torn away; amassing to slow and supreme throbbing.  Someone is consistently kicking your stomach.  The wind is knocked out of you and you’re gasping for air, relief and freedom.  One’s mind is in shackles- unable to escape this whirlwind of emotions.  Your heart crumbles into fine powder.  Whole of nerves are swamped by numbness.  The brightest of headlights cannot overcome the fogginess crowding your mind.  Contemplation ricochets back to repentance without exception. 

If only.

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.  The delicacy of bliss is evident as remorse causes optimism to be forgotten.  Like a light bulb to a mouse trap, it’s shattered in seconds.  Opportunities disappear instantaneously.  Joy quickly becomes hurt; pulling at each individual heartstring.  Worst of all, this can happen knowingly or unknowingly.  Before the flood of distress, one may mindlessly believe everything will fall into place.  However, the feeling changes.  All belief is crushed. This will kill like a knife through your being. One may even begin to question their purpose as two words keep ringing through the wavelength of thoughts.        

If only.

When do we feel regret?  It can be due to a variety of reasons: not studying for exams, giving up on a dream, or letting go of a loved one.  Amongst these circumstances, one supposes that the solution provides the best consequence.  We are preached to live in the moment but the message to follow one’s heart has vanished.  Sometimes we must think of the future.  Logic, rationality and judgment won’t ease a bleeding soul.  A minute of peace cannot substitute lifelong craving for what is now lost.  It could’ve been in your reach.

If only.

Don’t be blindsided.  Don’t be rash.  Don’t put yourself in a situation where grieving is inevitable.  The possibility of harmony can slip through cracks far too easily.  Regret can break any ounce of delight.  For said reason, live freely.  Wear your heart on your sleeve and allow life to trample you.  It is far less excruciating in the long run.  Be accepting.  Permit enlightenment through whatever mechanism.  Go to bed, laughing to yourself, thinking, ‘I shouldn’t have,’ rather than ‘if only’. 
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